Will We Ever Elect Another Bald President?

As we wind down to the presidential election, the biggest complaint I’ve been hearing from people, especially on Facebook, is that there are no viable candidates. That we are doing nothing but choosing the lesser of two evils.

And that’s the complaint we hear every election.

However, no matter who wins, we will at least be guaranteed a president with a full head of hair.

And that apparently is the most important factor. At least according to voting trends for the past 50 years, starting when a youthful John F. Kennedy squared off against the veteran Richard Nixon in the nation’s first televised debate.

People who listened to the debate on the radio thought Nixon won but those who watched it on television thought Kennedy won.

And while it really doesn’t matter who won that debate today, it is very clear Kennedy had a fuller head of hair, which was one reason he went on to win the presidency.

But Nixon eventually prevailed in 1968 when he ran against Senator Hubert Humphrey, pictured below, who wasn’t fooling anybody with his combover.

And Nixon won again in 1972 when he ran against George McGovern, who was the hipper of the two presidents because he had allowed his sideburns to grow out as well as the length of his hair to grow in the back, but that could still not hide the fact that he had experienced more hair loss in the front.

Our last bald president was Gerald Ford, who replaced Nixon in 1974 but that doesn’t count because he was not voted in, only taking office after Nixon resigned in disgrace during the Watergate scandal.
And Ford was soundly beaten by sandy-haired Jimmy Carter two years later.

While some speculate that he lost because the country was jaded over the Watergate scandal, that jadedness was quickly forgotten when the republicans introduced a man with a perfect head of hair.

At the age of 69, Ronald Reagan was the oldest president to take office in 1981 but he displayed youth and vigor because he was blessed with a jet-black pompadour that showed no signs of receding or graying.

And he maintained his popularity even though many believe he slept throughout much of his two terms.

He never revealed the secret behind his perfect hair, taking it to the grave with him in 2004.

But a former aide later revealed it was nothing but a dab of Brylcreem, which has been around since 1928.

Since Reagan, we’ve had George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and Barack Obama, none who showed any signs of balding.

After Obama soundly beat John McCain in 2008, who sported an ivory comb-over, the republicans got smart and nominated Mitt Romney, who sports the most presidential-looking hair since Reagan.

Romney didn’t hesitate to choose a running mate with a perfect head of hair while Obama stuck with his 2008 running mate, Joe Biden, who has gone through an obvious hair transplant.

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

But would Obama have chosen him had he not gone through the transplant? Probably not because he is not stupid. He knows what it takes to win an election.

He knows that although Biden is prone to making verbal gaffes, he at least has a full head of hair to make up for it.

And while the economy has suffered through both past democratic and republican presidents, nobody really believes it is time to elect a bald president.

Dwight D. Eisenhower, our last elected bald president, was extremely popular and is considered one of the top ten presidents in history.

But when somebody launched a Facebook page titled “It’s Time for a Bald President,” it generated a total of three “likes.”

Speaking of transplants, it’s been six-and-a-half months since I underwent mine and it is growing out awesome. I’ve been told by several people that I look younger although people can’t pinpoint the exact reason why.

I still have at least another six to 12 months to see the full results, which is around the time that voters start getting sick of whoever ends up getting elected today.

Maybe by then, I’ll be able to invest in a tube of Brylcreem and throw my hat into the presidential ring.

  • Carlos. I amglad the hair is growing in nicely. Their is still alot of growth left. Now that you are on your way to getting a full head of hair, it is time to start your presidential campaigning. See you soon for a follow-up.

    Dr. Mejia

  • Tricky has always been concealed when the symbol of youthful masculinity thin made: Caesar sat down the laurel wreath on his head, in the baroque and rococo powdered wigs were fashionable. The older men of the economic miracle years, however leaving the remaining hair grow long and draped them with more or less great skill on the plate.